I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
