I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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