did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
