i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
