I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
