Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
