so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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