I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
