Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
