i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
