Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
