The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
