Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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