she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just tell him i said nine months
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
