there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
