They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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