Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
