I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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