Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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