you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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