After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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