at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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