I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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