Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
