a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
