3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
