I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
