We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
