he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
