Just took my morning after pill in the library
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
