you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
