we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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