omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
