Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
