my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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