Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
