you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
