you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
