i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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