Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
