Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
