My nipple is on Facebook.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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