I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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