For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
