Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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