I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
