Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
