The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
