I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Two words: blizzard sex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
