five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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