I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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