dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
