you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
