my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
