so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish my penis had a tongue
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
