Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
