Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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