i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
