I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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