FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
