well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I believe in your delicious
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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