you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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