oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
