just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
