I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize