if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize