What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
