dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
